The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
