Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
