They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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