sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize