what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
