Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
