Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
