Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize