You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
