How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
