i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
