we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
