dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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