And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
