Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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