I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
