It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
