Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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