Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
