i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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