fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
