Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
