She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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