Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
