I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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