I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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