My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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