I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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