You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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