You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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