I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
