Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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