What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need to calm my uterus...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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