you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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