my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
