I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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