All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
