Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
