So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
