Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
