I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
