i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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