STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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