His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
