why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
