i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
