my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
