"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You can't just leave with hair like that
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize