who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
