and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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