Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
