It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
