You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
