Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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