i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
