I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
