I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
