Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
