Got a toothbrush?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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