1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
