it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
