The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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