I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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