There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What drink are we having for lunch?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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