I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
