Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
