Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
