i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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