My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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