Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
