I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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