i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
