so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
