Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize