He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
