I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
